what am i supposed to say?

Last year at this time I was, according to this very blog:
--stressing out about learning math for the GRE
--sick with a sore throat that turned into the black death
--worried about how to pay for christmas presents
--gearing up for the bookstore's holiday season

off the record, i was actually:
--falling in love
--generally, happier than i'd been in a long time.


One year later I am:
--across the country, living in exciting New York City!
--nearly done with (and for the most part, acing) my first semester at the ivy league school that the stupid GREs may or may not have helped me get into
--buying christmas presents with loan money in a fairly worry-free way
--looking forward to almost a month off of work and school!

off the record, i am actually:
--still falling asleep every night to an involuntary viewing of the ex-boyfriend & carla mental movie montage
--generally, more or less happy depending on the day
--dreading the return of worry.

and so i ask you, world: is this as balanced as my scales will ever be?

here is a picture of me gesticulating (like i do) whilst saying: fuck it, you just never know what's going to happen and how whatever it is you're driving toward is going to feel once you actually get there. i don't know. whatever. i should go to bed.