What I've Learned Since Being Back In The Burbs

1. Any time you want to watch Trading Places or Beverly Hills Cop III or other Eddie Murphy movies, cable tv will make it happen!
2. If you go to the mall to buy a cellphone the music will be really really bad and some kid from your high school class will gently try to nudge you into buying a pricier phone while neither of you acknowledges recognizing the other until you finally say, "dude, i graduated with you. you must know i have no money." and he'll say, "yeah, neither do i." but you'll leave with a stellar plan.
3. Must you really stare at me as you drive by just because I'm sitting out front in my bathrobe while smoking and checking email?!?! west o. this is not.
4. Every show on Bravo is a competition. Fashion designers, interior designers, hairdressers, chefs, etc.
5. Ariel from The Little Mermaid doesn't sweat. My niece told me that which means it's true because she's smart and going to princess college someday.
6. There are 5 cops doing speed traps on the same 3 streets in the 7 mile stretch between my house and my parent's work because what the fuck else is there for them to do.
7. They got new air hockey tables at the Game Room
8. The Ethan Hawke and Winona Ryder sex scene in Reality Bites still makes me emotional. Curse my teenage years!!
9. Meat will be served every night. No exceptions can be made.
10. One town, five Dunkin' Donuts locations.